McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Inaugural Speeches from Our Action Heroes: "He-Man
Although I realize that I was not elected by a majority, I pledge to represent the interests of all. I have also retained many of my father's advisers to guide my way.
I will cut taxes, balance the budget, and rid the world of Skeletor. Skeletor is evil. Skeletor does not believe in free trade. Perhaps my words are too moralistic, too black and white. But look at him—his face is a skull! He sits on a throne made of bones. This is an evil man, working in evil times. And I know, from various intelligence sources, including my trusted aide Man-at-Arms and my Security Adviser Generic-Noun-Name, that Skeletor has been working on a new weapon: a weapon that could destroy the nation. You in the media don't believe me. Some have cynically reported that I am using fear to gain votes. If any members of the press corps wish to find out what Skeletor is up to, they can take a trip to Castle Grayskull, expenses paid from my Mattel stock options. Any takers? I didn't think so. "